Grandparents Behaving Badly

We all love em, yet we can all hate em. Not in the literal term, mind you, but the agonizing way that festers. When growing up, I fondly remember my father taking painstaking measures to ensure he gets his point across. About a month ago, I had taken the twins and my 9-year old daughter to visit my father. When I noticed my daughter doing something less than favorable, I promptly corrected her. After noticing this mild scolding, my father advised me, "Now son, do not be too hard on her". I looked at him at disbelief and wondered, "Could this be the same man who threatened every inch of my life?"

Indeed it is. When parents become grandparents, they have an opportunity to see themselves in a third person point of view. And since they, for years, have portrayed the heavy in our upbringing, now it is their opportunity to shine at our...the parent's expense.

My in-laws are prime examples. When my wife and I were first married, I might see them once a week during Sunday dinners or football occasions. After the twins were born, then the frequency increased. Now, don't get me wrong. I love my in-laws to death. And the three months infancy I had to watch them (I am a teacher), my mother-in-law significantly helped me allow to sleep on some days. However, I do not like living with them. In addition, they tend interfere on occasions that is considered overstepping.

One example is when the twins were having fits that "Gamma" was leaving. Grandparents, I would like to extend a side note that when you get ready to leave, please leave quickly. Stating you are going to leave then dragging it makes things worse for the children as well as the parents. Trust me when I say that the children will get over it less than 15 minutes. Anyway, She began to leave, staying close to the door. At this time, our toddlers were having fits and my ears began to ring. At that point, she taken them with her. This was after I said for them to stay. Her heartbreak go the best of her. Instead of causing a scene, I waiting 15minutes to calm then called my wife. Trust me, it has taken every ounce of my military bearings to keep myself from blowing up. When my wife answered, I explained the situation and added that she would need to explain to here the problem with that picture. In addition, if it happened again, I will call the police and report a kidnapping. Yes, I truly meant it. But, at least I had give forewarning. Needless to say, it did not happen again.

There were other small usual incidents, but I promptly remind them, "Who is the parent?" So the moral of the story is: Grandparents, unless your children are abusing or demeaning your grandchildren, respect their rights. Parents, remind yourselves who the parent is and enforce that, but do not alienate the grandparents and consider their advice. There are fundamental rules in this parent/grandparent relationship.

1. Grandparents, remember when you were parents.
2. Grandparents, unless abuse, do not correct your children when they are correcting the grandchild. Your just taking away their power. Wait until grandchild is away.
3. Grandparents, remember your children learn from you. You cannot correct that at this late of the game.
4. Grandparents, do not talk negative about parents in front of children.
5. Parents, stand up for yourselves as your the parents.
6. Parents, do not argue with the grandparents in front of the children.
7. Parents, do not talk negatively about grandparents in front of children.
8. Parents, allow some "leniency" to the grandparents. They earned some right.
9. Parents, remember that what grandparents and children do when your not there is permitted.

Disney